2/26/2005 03:02:00 AM

i think i'm getting very weird these days... i actually chose to stay at home on a saturday!! something is realli wrong wif me... but i dunno wat... i wanna go out but dread seeing all the crowds of pple everywhere... i juz feel so sian when i see so many pple arnd... haiz... think i becoming more n more no life... seems like its been a long time since i went out to walk arnd... its either i'm at home or i will be in sch or juz west side.... wat a boring life i have... haiz.... i miss my old life when i will go out every wkends n enjoy myself wifout feeling guilt or anything... i dun like my lifestyle now... even though it shows dat i'm more guai now to stay home n study... but i hate it....
sometimes i wonder y do i always feel so down n out when i'm having the life dat many gers are pursuing for??? becoz i'm a perfectionist... i wan the best of everything to happen to me.. if it doesnt i will feel sad... dats y i'm always feeling sad.. coz the best things dun always happen... i need to wake up from this perfectionist thinking dat i've been in for almost 20yrs... i need to learn n appreciate wat i haf now... good frenz who cared abt me... a heart-warming family who is always there for me... n most imptly a caring n loving bb who dotes on me so much.... i wanna treasure all this.. coz i'm a fortunate ger yet i dunno how fortunate i am....

2/24/2005 11:04:00 PM

its been almost a wk since i blog.... hmm... juz dun realli feel like blogging or rather i dunno wat to blog... sometimes u will juz feel lost all of a sudden... like u dunno wat to do next.. or wat r u going to do in the future or wat is happening around u... i always feel lost at a pt of time when i dunno exactly wat i wan in life... y am i studying in a uni now? is this wat i realli wan?? wat do i expect myself to do in the future?? i feel so lost.. n recently it seems dat a fren of mine is having some problem yet i dunno wat happen... i feel sad n lost.. coz i dunno how i can help her... harnie.. take care of urself k...i'm here to help u if u need anybody to be there for u... come back soon... we all miss u....
sometimes i wish i wld be all alone in this world so dat pple wun haf to tolerate wif my childishness n my stupid spoilt brat character which i tried so hard to change yet it cant be done... i always think dat if 1 day i leave this world.. pple may be happier rite?? whenever i see pple arnd me feel sian sian.. i wish i knew how they feel exactly so i can help them... n i always feel so terrible when i noe something is bothering them yet i cant help... n i always think dat the worst thing dat can happen is dat they will leave me n never tok to me again... maybe this is good for me n for others... coz sometimes i cant even stand myself for being so unreasonable n spoilt.... sometimes i realli hate to be who i am now....